Missing Scott, Missing Finn Hudson
by jobelle516
Summary: Everything changes. The Nightmare begins. This is rated M, for 16plus. {Trigger warnings} Tay is coming to terms with mourning his best friend Scott. They knew Finn Hudson. Scott going was a consequence of a Logan gift for Julian. But Finn going, was unexpected. This piece has turned dark. Ch1 is intro only. {please don't copy, just read and enjoy}
1. Intro

**A/N: **All things change.

**Music inspirations**: Band - Freelance Whales, the song Location, from their album Weathervanes.

**Rating is M:** These words of mine are for 16plus, may have trigger issues, language.

**Ownership:** I don't own Glee, Dalton by CP Coulter. I own Scott and Tay, my OC's, I own my imagination.

* * *

This piece is a mixture of Tay thinking things through with …, sorting himself out with someone's death...

**~ Missing Scott, Missing Finn Hudson ~**

* We recently lost a much loved Glee star.

* Grief is a personal experience, nothing will be the same again.

* I'm an Optimist. I've lost family members and have first hand experience with death.

*** If you were here before, and then left because of my writing style? Why didn't you say something to me.**

***Such as a review or pm.**

***All things change ***


	2. Missing Scott, Missing Finn Hudson

**Music inspirations**: Freelance Whales song Location. From their album Weathervanes.

**Rating is M:** These words of mine are for 16plus. Reasons.

**Ownership:** I don't own Glee or Dalton by CP Coulter. I do own Tay and Scott, my OC's.

* * *

This piece is a mixture of Tay thinking things through with ..., and sorting himself out. He's The Dancer of the band, Scott is the lead singer of the band. The Band's performance were a gift from Logan for Julian.

**~ Missing Scott, Missing Finn Hudson ~**

_Tay needed closure, craved companionship and love from Scott. He's on the balcony of their apartment, enjoying the view of the surrounding city sites and the country edge in the distance. Glass of vodka in his left hand, leaving his right one to lean against the bannister. The balcony has lots of pot plants, Scott's lasting legacy. Flowers in bloom, bees feeding from them._

This is a nice drink, this is a lovely day, this is a lovely year, I think?

I'm not delusional, I'm fully aware of what's going on. This is me reacting to accepting that Scott has gone. And Finn has gone too, but not the same way. That guy I once thought of being like Cory Monteith from that show Glee. Same build, similar in so many ways. Just I didn't know Cory, never met him. You know being a big Hollywood celebrity and all that. Our band is big, but not in his league.

I met Finn through the Valentines party. Our band had performed there, as a favour for Logan. Another one of his gifts for Julian.

Finn was, can't use the past tense, _is_ kind of the big lug everyone loves. Intimidating looking at first, then very supportive. Dopey, sort of, but not stupid. Big hearted, generous and I only met him once or twice, so everything I know of him, I've mainly got second hand from The Warblers and his McKinley High friends.

~ 0 ~

But now, I'm also having difficulties coming to terms with Scott.

I bought a condolence card for his family so long ago. I can't bring myself to write in it. If I do that, then it will be real. I'll have to accept that Scott has gone and isn't coming back. And the longer I put it off, well he hasn't gone then.

I thought I'd pushed so much down in my memory banks. Like the last time I spent with Scott. What he looked like, how wonderful he smelled. The warmth of his smile, the feel of his lips, his taste, the touch of his hands. His arms around me, so very tightly. Him calling out to me, kissing and cuddling, and calling out my name so many times. That comfy blanket, is all I have physically of that afternoon.

But when I start to fill in that card, the memories come to the surface and I feel I'm right back there.

When he was in the hospital, lying there so helpless with all those tubes and machines beeping. His feet, I lost count of the times I massaged them. God, I hate myself sometimes. I could, maybe, have not done it. I could have done more, couldn't I? Lord, why don't you talk to me like you used to? Yeah, I know you still do. I just don't want to hear you, I don't want to accept any of this.

Why can't time stand still? Why can't I wind back the clock, like the reverse in my car? Skip back a chapter or two, like the dvd player or music player.

Too much technology, none of it works when the power goes out. When you really want it to make magic, like a sparkling gavel, wave the rainbow wand. Sprinkle fairy dust here, there and everywhere. It just doesn't do stuffin' shit in reality.

Even that mega rich dude in Australia, that mega media mogul, even his family couldn't be saved from this bullshit.

Yeah I'm in denial. That's the first stage of grief, right?

~ 0 ~

The Church Minister's words were only so helpful and then he sounded like he was quoting a Glee Season ep thing, that show is so entrenched in my mind now. "We learn from the book of Ecclesiastes chapter 3 verses 1-8: To everything there is a Season, a time for every Purpose under Heaven: a time to be Born, and a time to Die; a time to Plant, and a time to Sow the harvest; a time to Kill, and a time to Heal; a time to Break Down, and a time to Build Up; a time to Weep, and a time to Laugh; a time to Mourn, and a time to Dance; ….

I understand that Scott was a Glee fan as well, which helped propel him to being his very best at singing and dancing and exceptional all round good guy. And he was greatly affected by the passing of his friend Finn, who also passed on to Heaven a few weeks before him. So if you don't mind, I've managed to integrate some Glee-speak as well in a really important message, if we can learn anything from their going?

None of us have the right to judge or criticize what has happened, it just did. All of us take a gamble with all that we do. Each day, if we are fortunate we eat and drink. One day, things don't blend well and God calls us to Heaven. We have been really fortunate to have Cory and the other Cast and Crew entertain us, educate us with all that music, acting, singing. ….." and he prattled on.

Wait did he actually talk of Cory? I must have drifted to la la land. He had been talking of Scott. We were there because of Scott, he was friends with Finn Hudson, not Cory Monteith. Jeez keep in touch with reality.

"Let you without sin, cast the first stone. We need to live with love and compassion. We need to bask in the beautiful radiating Glee-lights from the stage down to us in the audience. "

~ 0 ~

_Tay sits in his favourite chair, as you walk onto the balcony, it is on the left, so his back is secure against the wall. Scott wouldn't dare sit there, no one would. Scott's was the second on the left. So they would be side by side._

_He puts in some more ice, more vodka and raises his glass in a toasting fashion, to his newly formed imaginary Scott._ "Cheers Scott, lovely day? What do you say we look forward to the future, accept the past, and enjoy the here and now? Forever?

You know what I want, for when I pass on to Heaven? Not too much sadness. I want you to remember all the good things. Get over me and keep living your absolute best. That's not too selfish of me is it? Well?"

_Scott doesn't answer._

"Put this on the front of my condolence card: My world was secure. You came, a wonderful disruption. Then you left. My world is still secure. Ok? But I miss you. I really, really miss you Scott._" Tay sniffs his tears. Scott still isn't answering._

"You know what Scott? It's always like this. I miss you as soon as I wake up. I miss you when I'm about to sleep. I wish you're always here next to me. Always. Just not in these moments. You know what I put on your memory plaque? Someone so far away, took a piece of my heart to heaven. Of course, I let everyone think it was someone so far away. Sounds more dramatic."

_Scott still doesn't answer._

* * *

Tay thinks back to the first person who went, his Dad.

Successful now, Tay and Scott didn't come from the affluent life styles that they now entertained to. Their education was substandard. This influenced Tay in so many ways …..

Tay is certain of his self.  
When his Dad died, he was devastated. They were very close and he was the nucleus in his orbit. For a while Tay wasn't eating well. He and Scott would argue a lot. His mind was racing and he was talking real fast.

Their doctor put him on some medication. But, he found the medication too numbing. He felt like he was held hostage in a body. When he found out the feelings he was experiencing may have been a side effect from the medication, he went to the doctor and they argued about coming off the meds. After a while he took control and went cold turkey, he learnt a different way to deal with the grief of losing his Dad.  
Scott and Tay did some research, lots of reading and talking and learned about ways to live better.  
They learned about correct foods and healthy living. They took more interest in the arts, science and religion, geography and even developed a love of maths. Maths lead to carpentry and designs.  
One day Tay listened to one particular person and made a significant change in his life.

Tay and Scott paid more attention to how they were spending their days and nights. They learned to sleep well in as clean an environment as possible, eat and drink correctly. Stopped doing drugs. Stopped disregarding their diet, even caffeine laden foods/drinks and junk foods they gave up.

They learned to equalize overloading themselves with technology and noise. But when it came to performing, this actually improved dramatically. Their song writing, singing and Tay's dancing became so much better.

They started to enjoy peace and quiet times, enjoy music and colours around them.  
Scott would believe that, occasionally, when things didn't seem how Tay liked, things would be better in the mornings. And they would have a fresh start to the day.

* * *

And before Scott would retire to meet Tay in their bedroom, he would make a wish on the first star he saw. Wish a dream so beautiful that his heart would feel so warm.  
Then believe it would happen and when that dream does come true, their life would be even more than it was.

~ 0 ~

Scott never stopped believing. He knew what he could do to make 'it' possible.  
Put aside and turn his back on the bullshit things that were holding them back.  
He would recite a mantra to himself: You know what is possible, now do it. Then whisper 'OK'! And giggle to himself, 'cause he thought he sounded like Blaine.  
Love to all and make our dreams come true  
This is my prayer today.

~ 0 ~

And now Tay would wait for Scott to come to bed. He would wait a very long time. And while waiting, he'd dream of Reed. Oh, and Shane ….

* * *

**Little Author notes from a cute little author: ** I'm not a psychologist. I felt inspired for this when someone reached out to me about ill health in their family.  
If you feel overwhelmed with the issues you face, know that there are solutions to all problems.  
Sometimes we are so upset that we lose focus and can't see the solution right now.  
But it is there.

Take care and look after yourself.


	3. Falling Embers

**Originality: **This chapter was for my story Converting Kurt Hummel (ch 4). But it is a chapter that fits here.  
**Think **of it this way: I tore a page from **my **book, copied it, and stuck it in between the pages of this one. Of course, as I love olde books, I made the edges of the rip rough, as well. I didn't photo copy it, that would've been tacky. I copied it by hand, it was easier than reprinting and gives it more character.

**Music Inspiration: **Mentioned at the end.

**Rating:** M. Adult themes. **Trigger Warning**.

**Ownership:** I don't own Glee.

* * *

**~ Falling Embers ~**

The last time she hugged him, was when they were at the airport. He was getting a flight with Joe, they were going to do some charity work with Doctors Without Borders.

"Médecins Sans Frontières." saying it with that accent made it only a little easier to let him go, he was only going for a little while.

His beaming smile, showing how proud he was. To have finally found his niche. Joe had become the doctor he wanted to be, and things just fell into place.

Staring at the fire was mesmerizing. If she closed her eyes, the warmth on her face was like when they'd been at the beach.

"Put a hat on. You're going to burn that pretty face of yours."

She opened her eyes so quickly. Looking around the room, she was certain she heard him.

"I said, you better move back from the fire. Or you're going to burn those slippers of yours." He moved the cushions on the couch and patted the seat next to him. "Come, cuddle with me and have some wine."

"I'm not ready for your cuddles. I'm too upset." But the wine sounded wonderful, and she took the glass from him. "Hmmm, this will help. Thank you so much, though…"

"I'm not offering you more, but I need cuddles. I need hugs too. My heart is breaking, too. And you said you'd help me." He puts the cover around the fire place, picks up 'their' favourite cuddle blanket. Sitting back down, next to her, he pulls her in for support and wraps them both in a bear hug with 'that' blanket.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She swaps the hugs. "Come, let me hug you then." Nearly spilling their wine, ruffles of blanket and arms, and legs here and there.

And, as she has been doing a lot of lately. The moment the drinks were put down, she starts cuddling deeper and letting her fingers poke into his sides. "Ow! Ow!"

"What?" Giggles and flutters her bashful eyes. Attempting puppy dog eyes!

"Don't give me that what business. You know what!" and he pokes her nose. And places a gentle kiss on her forehead.

Counting to five, she sighs. And they intertwine their legs. Staring at the fire. And fall into '_that_' trance.

No music, no awkwardness. Nothing but the fire light, crackling, and the enjoyable scent of burning mallee root.

So many minutes go by, who can count? Who needs to count time anymore? Time was, is, just now.

No need to speak, they'd already said their peace. Knowing how the other was hurting, aching, wanting. Knowing that they'd get over all this, together, for as long as it would take.

"They won't tell me what really happened." She sobs.

"I know, I know. They won't tell me either." He squeezes her gently. "I think, we just go with what we know. And enjoy the memories that we have."

"Do you think, that we could, possibly ummm?" She puts her face in her hands, pushing them into his chest and muffles the rest of her question.

"I'm not offering you more, you know that. I don't have those urges for you, for your kind. I'm not sure it'd be right to, either." But still he holds her tight, she rearranges her arms and holds him tight too.

"I know that." _Don't cry, don't cry._ "I'm not suggesting anything more than just falling asleep, here." _Don't cry._ "On this really wonderfully, comfy couch. It's so big, and I feel so good from the wine." _Don't _"And the fire is terrific. And I just don't want to get up and leave, ever..." And then weeks of repressed cries flood.

The numbness that came with the shock, breaks away. The ice that had engulfed them both, held them in a bonding trance, cracked. And he cries, too. _Big boys do cry!_

The love they both had, was as solid and huge as the space shuttle Endeavour. And their own earth shattering news had been like when the Endeavour had broken from the launch pad, full force toward the outer limits of Earth's atmosphere. And the crackling of the fire, reminded them both of how life and love goes on.

"I can't even add sugar to my chocolate or cereal. And I can't lift purple coloured weights any more."

"Blaine, I think I want to go with Joe, when he goes back. I think I want to take up the work where Finn left off?"

"Well. Okay Rachel. It looks like we're going to need passports then."

**~ In loving memory of Cory Monteith. ~**

* * *

**Sorry**, sort of sorry. Tissues anyone?

**Little author notes: **I'm always listening to music. Songs loud in my ears, sometimes soft and gentle too. So as far as a music inspiration goes, anything you love that Cory did, as Finn. I never had one piece of his that uplifted more or less.

**Currently** I am listening to Discovery at Night, Ludovico Einaudi. In a Time Lapse.


	4. Happy Fathers Day

**Little Author Notes for this chapter: **In theme of Missing Scott, Missing Finn Hudson. This is a poem from a child to their Father, who has gone on to Heaven.

**But** it can be seen as the point of view of the Father to his son or daughter. Because that is what I was feeling when these words just flowed out.

**Every** day is a Birthday, Anniversary, Father's Day, Mother's Day, Valentine's Day.

**Every** day should be celebrated.

* * *

**~ FATHERS DAY ~**

And now it is the second of September.

The day after Father's day.

The day after ...

Did you feel appreciated, loved, wanted, needed?

You provided what was required of you.

You provided more than was necessary.

We loved you, we needed you, we wanted you.

And yet you had to go.

God said it was your time.

And in my heart he has left a piece of you there.

And you took a piece of my heart to Heaven too.

I love you, I miss you so very much.

I hear your voice, I feel your hugs, but I don't remember your kisses.

Happy Father's Day.

Till next year.

With Lots of Love from Me.


	5. Vodka and Vomit

**Rating and Warning: This is rated M. 16plus Mature subjects, vulgar language. Trigger subjects. MxM, drug references. You've been warned, be careful then.**

**Ownership: **No ownership of Glee or Dalton. I own my imagination, and I won't relinquish my right to that. Tay and Scott are my babies.

**Reviews: Do or don't. It'd be nice if you did. My CF? **

**Musical Inspiration: **Eventually Newton's Cradle, Ludovico Einaudi. From the album In a Time Lapse.

**Warning: **Trigger issues. MxM issues. Yeah read what I wrote above again.

**Dedication: **Two steps to my Nightmare. And preparation for the Cory Monteith tribute.

**I** don't have any association with anyone for music. I've purchased all that I listen to. I'm just letting you know about the music. If you want to listen, then do so. If not then don't.

* * *

**~ Previously ~**

It's not just a room, is it? No this is more than we are allowed.

I could, maybe, have not done it.?

And now Tay would wait for Scott to come to bed. He would wait a very long time.

It's the atmosphere that makes the difference. And the coffee shop I am in, makes the world of difference.

**~ Kisses and Kuddles, no good E ~**

Scott and Tay had been cuddling most of the morning, most of the night, most of the evening.

Now that their relationship was official and there was no concern of hiding any, fucking, thing, they would be making up for lost time.

Scott had been hesitant of letting anyone know of his rendezvous with Tay. He was certain that a lot of people would be very upset with him.

He could not think of one of his friends who would be happy, not one of them. They were all opinionated and told him in no uncertain terms that Tay, was bad news.

'_Tay is possessive, secretive, abusive.'_ This was written on a note, left under his change room door. _'You've been warned. I can't think of anyone who should be with Tay. Tay should have been castrated at birth. He should have been drowned at birth.'_

Scott had held that note in trembling fingers for what seemed like hours. He put it down on the table, grabbed some vodka and drank straight from the bottle.

This brand of vodka was stale and vile. It stung the sides and back of his tongue. Trying to fight the vomit down he threw himself down on his bed and imagined it was Tay's hand that was pushing his mouth shut.

His back felt comfortable on top of his blankets, his back ached so. He grabbed his pillow and pulled that down over his face. The constant vomiting and swallowing started him drowning in himself. Inevitably his body forced itself over and he fell head first, off the bed and onto the cool clean floor.

He wretched until bile with blood and burps were all that was left.

Under the bed he could see evidence of their sex life, love making he once thought. Purple satin ties, red satin ties, lubricant. Unopened condoms, folded clean face washers, makeup wipes.

Scrunched tissues, scrunched pocket disposable bags. If anything, Tay was meticulously clean and responsible.

Whilst he thought of their sex life as love making, somewhere it had blurred to concern. But then he brought the category back to love making, because Tay was so devoted to every pleasure Scott could endure. Tay was clean and healthy. And he demanded that from Scott too. _"Never let anyone screw you without a condom. And don't kiss anyone but me. And don't screw with anyone, but me. You're mine Scott, until I tell you when. And until I tell you when, I'm all you'll ever have. And you will be all I have." _The pull of his hair was emphasized with every major word. Tay's fingers wrapping in the hair on the back of his head, grabbing the back of his neck, was exhilarating and he felt owned.

But now Scott reaches through his vile upload, for the face washers and makeup wipes. Trying to clean himself while still too heavy on the floor. His clothes hadn't been spared anything. Crying is what he desperately wanted to do, getting up off the floor and trying to prevent Tay coming across this nightmare. But he couldn't, he can't.

He'd have to stay there until he could. The anxiety was building, his heart was racing, his whole body was burning in fear. He was certain he could hear a key being placed in the door.

One deep sigh, his eyes close, his breathing steadies. He drifts into an oblivion that he'd heard Finn talk about, once or twice.

Two words cross his mind, as he feels a familiar shoe nudge him. _'Oh shit!'._

* * *

_**Reviews: Do or don't. It'd be nice if you did. My CF?**_


	6. Beginning

**Rating and Warning: This is rated M. 16plus Mature subjects, vulgar language. Trigger subjects. MxM, drug references. You've been warned, be careful then.**

**Ownership: **No ownership of Glee, Dalton. Same for the musical number. But I have lots of real dvd's and cd's. I own my imagination, and I won't relinquish my right to that. Tay and Scott are my babies.

**Reviews: Do or don't. It'd be nice if you did. My CF?**

**Musical Inspiration: **Outlaws of Love by Adam Lambert. From the album: Trespassing.

**Warning: **Trigger issues. MxM issues. Yeah read what I wrote above again.

**I** don't have any association with anyone for music. I've purchased all that I listen to. I'm just letting you know about the music. If you want to listen, then do so. If not then don't.

* * *

**~ The Nightmare begins ~**

The first verse he barely raised his voice. Not whispering, but not very audible.

"Yeah Scott, back to the beginning, and can you actually lift your voice more? We can't hear anything coming from you."

Into the microphone he sung, looking deep into his lovers eyes, wrapping his hands around the mic stand when the words _'colder, colder_ ' came out of him.

"Don't touch the mic stand. Your every breath and touch is felt by it. Try again."

Second verse, memories of him falling to his knees, pleading for Tay not to leave him.

_ 'We all feel the rain... '_

Begging, in disbelief that Tay would abandon what they had. That Tay would believe Sebastian, over his fidelity.

Scott watched Tay run through the rain, and get in the drivers door. Tay looked through the side window at Scott. Then he put the keys in the ignition, turned the engine over. Puts his seatbelt on, looks toward Scott again, still knelt down in the doorway of their apartment.

Scott watches, as Tay checks for clearance, indicates, looks at him, then looks up and drives off. No aggression left in him, Tay is all calm now. And the absence of abuse on his car, settles Scott.

_ 'We can change... _

_Everywhere we go we're looking for the sun ...'_ The sun burns hot on his bare back.

A barbecue to celebrate their series of concerts. Happy guests mingled by the pool side. Some enjoyed the eye candy of male and female singles. All enjoyed the food, wine and assorted drinks. Drinks to get a little drunk to. Drinks to get a lot drunk to. And plain flavoured water, for those wanting to stay uptight.

The music was popular to all. Gently playing where people wanted to talk, and very loud down on the dance floor.

Swaying couples enjoyed intimate caresses, of gentle hugs and warm feelings from what was noticeably rising.

_ 'Nowhere to grow old ... '_

He raises his chin, aiming his heart felt words in to that microphone. _ ' Nowhere to grow old, we're always on the run... '_

Suddenly aware that he's been chasing Tay for weeks. He'd ring him, no answer, no calls back. Tay wouldn't answer any question straight. He'd just gently kiss Scott, gently hold Scott, gently grab at Scott. Roughly grab, roughly hold, roughly kiss. Demanding the subject be changed. Tay would make Scott the subject. Subject of desire, of lust driven urges.

Slipping his shoes on, Tay grabbed his jacket as he walked out. Scott would see, drop what he was doing, and hurry to the door and watch as Tay walked calmly down the corridor. "Love You." he'd call, while leaning against the door frame. Tay would raise his jacket in the air, as if to wave goodbye behind him. It wasn't an "I Love You Too." but it was acknowledgement.

_'Outlaws of Love, O...u...t..l...a...w...s of L...o...v...e...' _

Sitting, he looks in the mirror. Not believing there are no bruises visible. No hits to his head or his beautiful face.

"Everyone sees how beautiful you are, Scott. Everyone knows how beautiful you are." Tay had lifted his adoration for Scott up a few levels more. "But you're mine, don't forget that." And he'd hugged him from behind, whilst Scott tried to put his make up on. Tay sits down alongside Scott, reaches and turns Scott toward him, a kiss declaring his love, placed firmly on his forehead.

_ 'Scars make us who we are ...' _

Raising the mascara brush, the smash of a knocked crystal vase shatters over the blue tiled floor. A little Tay watches as his Mum and Dad have their fight. Behind them he sees a little Scott, watching too. Their eyes meet, Scott lifts his chin beckoning for Tay to come away with him. As Mum and Dad argue more, their worried son edges the room, reaches his best friend and runs for the momentary quiet of another family's home.

_ ' ... With our minds wide open, o...p...e...n.''_

"Ok, Scott. I'll have to interrupt you there. That was pretty good, but one of the console slides isn't doing what it should."

Scott relaxes his stance, while the music director explains, he sits back on the edge of a bar stool. "Come out and have a breather."

Hours turn into days. The music console has become it's own demon from hell.

Preparation for other life events take the place of much needed alone time, in the recording studio. Scott watches as Tay and the other dancers limber up, go through choreographic routines. His band enjoy their rehearsals, frustration is building in him.

The phone rings during the night. "Yep, what time is it?" Tay places a loving hand on his lover's shoulder, shaking just a little to rouse him. Words of love whispered alongside his ear "Scott, psst wakey wakey Scott."

Scott rolls over toward Tay. Eyes closed and humms "What?"

"Give him a few hours to get ready. ... He'll be there when he is. ... Don't give me your timetable. ... Listen sunshine, all quality artists need nourishment and waking up properly."

Scott snuggles into Tay as he wraps an arm around and brings him in closer. "Ok, thank you. Now you go and get yourself some food and rest. ... Yes, yes. We'll see you in a few hours."

Tay stretches his left arm around and puts the phone on the side table, while his right arm holds Scott in a tight embrace.

He turns back to Scott and looks on as his best friend of so many years, and lover of less, sleeps peacefully.

He very gently traces the tips of his fingers over Scott's forehead, pausing at the edges of his eyes. Continues along his cheek to his ear. Scott stirs a little. Tay stops. Holds his breath. Smiles whilst holding in a giggle.

He doesn't wake properly. And Tay brings his lips to Scott's, and hovers. Their noses are close to touch. He leans his forehead to Scott's.

~ songs of love continue ~


	7. The Fantasy

**Ownership: **No ownership of Glee, Dalton. Same for the musical number. But I have lots of real dvd's and cd's. I own my imagination, and I won't relinquish my right to that. Tay and Scott are my babies. Copy rights to Glee or Adam Lambert music, yeah they've got 'em, not me. But my words are mine, esp what isn't recognized from anywhere else. This story is mine, and I'm happy to share with you to read. {conversations of creation only through the pm, it's all so deep.}

**Musical Inspiration**: Fever and Sleepwalker by Adam Lambert. From the album: Glam Nation Live.

******Warning: **Trigger issues. MxM issues.

**I** don't have any association with anyone for music. I've purchased all that I listen to. I'm just letting you know about the music. If you want to listen, then do so. If not then don't.

**I** do have a lot of music legit and I don't ship pirating.

* * *

**~ The Fantasy ~**

With the first beat of the song, sudden dread fills in Tay's being. He'd watch the whole performance so many times, knowing it was becoming more than a performance. Knowing that his heart was breaking.

From right to left, three slow steps it took for Chase to reach the stairs. Four steps for Scott to descend.

Chase'd put his arm around Scott's backside. From his vantage point, Tay could see Scott move in delight. A grab of Chase's chin, different to how he'd hold Tay.

The jealousy was building and brimming, and he had to quash it all down. Pretend what he was seeing was just part of the show. He knew different, he felt different, his lover was exhilarated and very turned on. And it was all wrong, and it couldn't be allowed to continue.

Shinnae taps him on the shoulder, "Nearly time for us." It was good to have some other human touch, bring him out of his thoughts. So he could watch his lover, betraying him.

Just in time for that 'kiss', that famous kiss that had the world talking. Only they should have been talking about Scott and Tay, not Scott and Chase.

It was Tay's suggestion, stupid suggestion. It was how Scott had sung to him the first time. And he acted out a fantasy scene, and it blended so well. And straight after the song was finished, it blended into a delightful amount of play. That turned into hours of delightful love making.

But now, after months of torturous observations, noticing how extra 'turned on' Scott was. Now he added more to the fantasy. And wondered how to extend it, into reality.

He watched another kiss, then once more, throws himself into the choreographed dance routine.

_'Step up and look to the audience, left steps toward Scott, lean down into Scott's side, mimic the dancer on Scott's left. Stand up, arms back, raised chin and smile, and wink at Scott.'_ And Scott points but is halted a split second. '_See if they notice the moment you falter there?_

_Front, back at you. Eyes connect, I smile, yeah lean into him, I dare you. Around you we go, lean down, raise up, front to audience. We continue, we kneel down. Yeah, look at me, that's right, you know I'm here. You're mine, don't forget it.'_

And Scott is very aware of Tay's presence, not just his dance moves but his steely looks are boring into Scott's back, and he sure as hell is getting thrown off his routine tonight.

Later on Tay would watch the finished production of the concert, and make notes of significant memorable points.

When he dances with Shinnae and Natalia, Scott knew his difficult part was coming. And his difficult part, was watching Tay's physical embraces of Shinnae. He felt what Tay felt about him and Chase. He felt that Tay was getting too turned on with Shinnae. It seemed more than a routine dance.

Walk across the stage, turn before stairs, hold. Face audience, push, pull, hold, repeat. Step right, lean down, roll shoulders, all lean into Scott. All dance around Scott, he points they fall, Tay looks at Scott, Scott falters. Missing a beat in the song.

Stepping skips to left of stage, Scott walks to the right. Tay turns, holds position, turns and watches as Scott thrusts his pelvis into a female's face. Tay burns with rage, and holds still knowing that the thick make up is concealing his true self.

Scott pumps and gyrates in the dance move and Tay thanks God for his baggier pants.

As Scott gets to the centre of the stage, and thumps his bare feet to the beat, he looks just a bit behind, and can see Tay and Shinnae from the corner of his sight. And they're doing what he hates to see them do. Tay lifts Shinnae up, she climbs on him for more height. He holds her tight, and turns an embrace that lowers her like a cork screw around him. She ends up near his crotch, and falls to the floor. All too suggestive for Scott, he hiccups words of the song and now he's messing up the lines too much.

Thankfully there are five beats of no words, and the dancers can improvise to regain their footing.

The dancers stand around, making a wider circle of Scott. He's centre stage, just where Tay and Scott love him to be. Back to the audience, gyrate and hold a few moments. Tay sees Chase flicker smiles and a wink at Scott. Supposedly reassurance, but the look from Tay stops him.

_'Shit, he'll think I'm flirting with Scott again!'_

Dancers crouch down, in submission, weave in and out and around and back. Throwing their single arms in unison, up, down, around. As Scott reaches a pinnacle of the song, lowering his arms back and his crotch forward, throws his head back and around, the dancers throw themselves onto the floor.

As he hits the height of "MINE", the vibrations feed out from the speakers to Tay. And there is no one in the building, no body else there. The room is deathly quiet, and cold. It's just Scott and Tay. Scott's yelling at Tay, and Tay's knowing full well Scott is hearing him yelling also, that '_you're MINE', too_!

The beat resumes, the dancers follow Scott to the side table, sit and stand, fan and clap. Up and follow him to the centre. Steps of determination, heated lust between Tay and Scott.

Gyrations, shoulder moves, looking behind, catching Tay's looks, feeling them bore into his back. This is the worst Scott has felt during a performance. '_What the hell has got into Tay? Is he trying to ruin this for me. Wait, what was that look for?'_

The moment Scott climbs back up the steps and turns, Chase mouths him a reassuring kiss, knowing that Tay is behind him and can't see. This throws Scott back into knowing that this song is nearly over, and he has an interlude to compose himself. A great amount of time where Tay will be on stage with all the others, the only time of the night when Scott feels free from everyone.

Only this time, Chase has decided to get his sub in, and join Scott for a breather.

"Hey Scott, wait up." Chase jogs to catch up. Scott had run the moment his feet left the stage. He wanted more than a breather, he didn't want the rest of the concert to continue.

"What the hell are you doing?" he looks over Chase's shoulder to see if Tay had followed him. He grabs Chase and pulls him into the dressing room. Shuts the door and pushes him down on the couch. "What is it with him up there tonight? Honestly, I lost my head when I missed those words." Pouring two drinks, his hands giving into his real emotions.

"Here, have one." he gets his next outfit ready, just adding a long overcoat. "I'm gonna be warm in this. I have to change, why did you come back here?" He holds it up, checks out the features, puts it back on the rack, then sits opposite to Chase.

"I came back 'cause I could see how rattled you were. I'm certain Tay's losing the plot, tonight."

"Yeah, well that's pretty obvious. I saw you freak out after the first wink."

"Oh the filthy look he gave me. I was certain he was going to break and deck me."

"Well, what'd you think would happen?" He gets up and pours some more, "You need more?" "No, I'm fine, thanks."

Chase hadn't been helpful. It reminded Scott of Tay's insecurities. He needed reassurance, he needed comfort. That's the constant feeding to hopefully, allay insecurities. Ten minutes goes by rather fast.

"The best way of dealing with anything that goes on, on stage, is to just keep the music and dances moving." Finally Scott sits without aggravation of the first segment of the show. "Now we have to go back out there, and you think he won't be thinking things?"

"You looked rattled, I was too worried. I suppose I could sit this one out too."

"No, I think the paparazzi will notice, and then the rumour mills will start up." Scott gets up, puts the overcoat on, tidies his makeup and hair. "You go out first, keep the interlude going two bars more."

"Sounds like a plan."

As Scott took his breather, Tay noticed the guitarists absence during the interlude. And it doesn't sit well with him. He manages not to falter, something he's very proud of. It had been noticed by the others as well. The other dancers avoided Scott as they went passed. Tay's dressing room door slammed shut, and everyone nearby who felt it, stopped a moment.

Scott ignored him "Here we go then, round two people." He throws his whole heart into the next number. Hoping Tay will listen.

As he sings, the memory of where and how the song came about, flashes through his mind.

He's looking at photos, of good and bad times. Tears fall, he writes. It's raining outside, summer rains hardly making sounds. He didn't notice Tay's hand on his shoulder, until a kiss on his head. _"Got a quick song in you? I love watching you in action."_ They'd made love that morning, and been taken to Heaven. When they'd finished, Scott felt his dreams of delight were always best, being awoken to Tay's morning advances. Looking over his notes, it seemed too mushy a love song. He wanted a darker piece. A piece about escaping, from nightmares and sleepwalking.

The photos bring memories, reminders of where they used to be, when they were lost and lonely. He was everything he wanted, but it took some convincing for Tay to see he wanted Scott too. Once his mind was made up, Scott wanted to turn this relationship around, and be happier. How to break a nightmare, a bad dream and make it a reality.

The laser lights caught in his eye, the guitarist brings up his solo, Scott turns and faces Chase. They don't smile or share anything, just eye contact. A moment sufficient, for Scott to compose himself and belt the next few bars of the song out.

Downstairs Tay is watching on the monitor. As Scott turned toward Chase, the guitarist's solo began, and he'd seen the eyebrow quiver from Chase.

"You're reading too much into this, honestly." Shinnae brings him out of his reverie.

He turns to her, knowing how upset Scott is with their friendship. "Come back here Shinnae?" He hugs her tight, kisses her forehead and hugs just a little more.

"Our secret, don't tell?" he says.

"Our secret, won't tell?" and taps him on his nose.

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**Little Author Notes from a cute little author: I'd love a review from you please? It's part of the price you must pay. Make it honest, but not nasty.**


	8. After and Before

**Ownership: **No ownership of Glee, Dalton. Same for the musical number. But I have lots of real dvd's and cd's. I own my imagination, and I won't relinquish my right to that. Tay and Scott are my babies. Copy rights to Glee or Adam Lambert music, yeah they've got 'em, not me. But my words are mine. This story is mine, and I'm happy to share with you to read.

**Musical Inspiration**: Fever by Adam Lambert. From the album: Glam Nation Live.

******Warning: **Trigger issues. MxM issues.

**I** don't have any association with anyone for music. I've purchased all that I listen to. I'm just letting you know about the music. If you want to listen, then do so. If not then don't.

**I** do have a lot of music legit and I don't ship pirating.

**Notes to note**: the GD shop is a quick name I came up with for an adults entertainment shop. Second thoughts, it could be Guyz and Dolls shop, that sounds cute.

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**~ After and Before ~**

"You started without me." Scott raises his head to Tay's statement, enjoying Tay's hands on his shoulders. He looks up at Tay, in the mirror, as he continues another question. "Why would you do that?"

Scott can feel comforting pressure being applied, and as he relaxes into it, as he leans back against Tay, his heart skips beats with delight. Clear support, clear acceptance, smiles shared but a querying frown appears on Tay, transferring to Scott in a second.

"We waited, the others wouldn't. I can't control everything." Desperation from Scott, knowing he hadn't pleased Tay and it had been out of his control. "What happened, where were you?"

"Does that matter?" he wraps his arms around Scott, brings his mouth down and kisses him firmly, then looks him via the mirror, directly in the eyes. "I'm real proud of you. I love your dedication, the way you move."

Scott tries to be supportive. "I love your big smiles. You know you caught up soon enough, I don't think anyone else could see a difference in the routine."

"Yeah, I saw you see me. I just expected you to wait for me, always wait for me." He stands. "We do all this together, right?" More of a rhetorical question. Scott nods acceptance. As Scott continues to remove his makeup, Tay walks to the dressing room door to leave. "Scott?"

Scott looks on an angle, makeup cloth paused. "Yes Tay?"

"See you at home? I'll, I'll get a lift."

"Oh, alright then. I won't be very long, if you want to wait for me." He tries to hurry more.

"No, I…I want to go via the GD shop." fiddling with his house keys, "Like to browse a bit, for tonight." Lifts his head up and winks at Scott. "You know, it really hurts when you kiss him. You, you know, in front of everyone. In front of me." Scott freezes and Tay holds steady from a quivering voice. "I'm not sure how long I can permit, t…that part of the show."

"We only have four more shows Tay. The audience expect it, you encouraged it…"

"At first Scott. It was fun at first. But now I think you two get too much enjoyment from it." Deep sigh from Tay. "I think it turns you on too much. And that's what pisses me off, the most."

"Is that why you want us to wait for ….."

"See you at home." Tay's short tone and abrupt departure throw Scott.

And he whispers "Sounds good. Can't wait", to no one in particular, especially the worried looking face in the mirror.

What both boyz don't realize, is that, they are both for one another. And are both extremely jealous of what their lover is doing with someone else. And when they make love, with each other, they're both coming from the angle of a jealous lover, but reading their lover as being turned on, too much, by someone else.

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**Little Author Notes from a cute little author: I'd love a review from you please? It's part of the price you must pay. Make it honest, but not nasty.**


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